When someone you love is giving birth, it’s normal to want to help—but not always know exactly what to do. Many partners worry they’ll do the wrong thing, miss a cue, or feel helpless during intense moments. The good news? You don’t need to be an expert to be an incredible support person.
The most powerful thing a partner can bring to birth is steady presence. Your calm energy, encouragement, and physical support can dramatically improve comfort and confidence during labor.
This guide will walk you through how partners can prepare for birth, what to do during labor, and how to show up in a way that truly supports the birthing person.
Your Role as a Birth Partner Matters More Than You Think
Birth support isn’t about fixing or controlling labor—it’s about helping the birthing person feel:
Safe
Respected
Calm
Encouraged
Not alone
Partners are essential because you are familiar, trusted, and emotionally grounding. Even small actions—holding a hand, offering water, reminding them to breathe—can change the entire tone of birth.
How Partners Can Prepare Before Labor Begins
1. Learn the Basics of Birth
You don’t need to memorize medical terms, but understanding the flow of labor helps you stay calm and helpful.
Learn:
Early labor vs active labor
Transition signs
What pushing looks like
Common interventions and what they mean
Knowledge = confidence.
2. Practice Comfort Measures
Birth is physical. So is support.
Try practicing:
Hip squeezes
Counter-pressure on the lower back
Shoulder massage
Foot rubs
Applying heat or cold packs
Holding positions during contractions
A doula can teach you the most effective methods quickly.
3. Know Their Preferences
Talk about:
What makes them feel calm
What they want to hear during stress
What words they hate (some people do NOT want “relax!”)
How they want you involved
What decisions they want to make together
What to Do During Labor (Practical Support)
1. Protect the Environment
Create a calm birth space:
Dim lights
Quiet voices
Minimize distractions
Reduce unnecessary conversation
A calm environment helps the body produce oxytocin and progress.
2. Offer Hydration and Food
Labor is athletic. Offer:
Water
Coconut water
Electrolytes
Honey sticks
Broth
Easy snacks
In hospital settings, remind nurses if fluids are allowed and needed.
3. Be the “Anchor”
During contractions, your presence is everything.
You can help by:
Making eye contact
Counting breaths
Saying one calm phrase repeatedly
Holding their hand or supporting their body weight
Reminding them the contraction will pass
Simple is powerful.
The Best Things to Say (and Not Say)
Supportive phrases
“You’re safe.”
“I’m right here.”
“You’re doing amazing.”
“One breath at a time.”
“You can do anything for one minute.”
Avoid
“Calm down.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Stop screaming.”
“Are you sure you don’t want an epidural?”
Even well-meant comments can feel invalidating during intensity.
How to Advocate During Birth
Partners are often the bridge between the birthing person and the medical team when things feel overwhelming.
If a provider suggests something, you can ask:
“Can you explain the reason for this?”
“What are the benefits and risks?”
“What are the alternatives?”
“Do we have time to think about it?”
This approach supports informed decision-making without conflict.
When Your Partner Has a Doula (Your New Best Friend)
Some partners worry a doula will “replace” them. In reality, doulas make partners better at supporting birth.
A doula helps by:
Offering guidance and suggestions
Supporting both of you emotionally
Helping with timing, positioning, and comfort
Keeping you rested and nourished too
You still remain the most important emotional support person in the room.
After Baby Is Born: Support Continues
Your role doesn’t end when baby arrives. In fact, postpartum support is one of the greatest gifts you can give.
Helpful partner support includes:
Bringing baby to feed while parent rests
Helping with diaper changes
Advocating for postpartum care needs
Encouraging hydration and meals
Protecting rest and boundaries with visitors
The postpartum period is tender. Your steady care matters deeply.
Be ready to be a great partner!
The best birth partners aren’t perfect—they’re present. With preparation, practical tools, and loving support, you can help labor feel safer, smoother, and more empowering. Your role is not to control the experience but to walk beside your partner with calm, confidence, and unwavering support.
Birth is powerful—and so is showing up fully for the person you love.